Self-Love Before Self Sabotage | Shinyere Davis

31 August 2017

Let’s talk about self-sabotaging after heartbreak.

How many of us have experienced broken hearts? Between the sleepless nights, tear stained pillows, unanswered texts and phone calls, and the hunt for validation that we cannot seem to find in the one who disappointed our vision of love.

How many of us accept negligent behaviors, both from ourselves and our partners, that result in turbulence, insecurities, and just plain ol’ settling? 

Believe me, I have been there!

We feel like we’ve lost ourselves.  We feel like we can’t go on, healthily or happily without this one person, and before we know it, we let our feelings of inadequacy and fear drive us into making irrational decisions.

We go into an emotional overdrive trying to make the pain disappear.  Instant gratification becomes our necessity and we find ourselves settling for behaviors and feelings that are temporary and the least beneficial to us and our healing process.

Many times, we hold onto the idea of love and the idea of the person we are no longer with. We become consumed by their potential.  We consider how things could have worked out if our partner had been more mature and caring.  We wonder if the relationship could have lasted if we were more emotionally stable.  We may even persuade ourselves that love requires struggle, pain, and a multitude of complexities to make it real.

After self-analyzing, replaying your relationship over and over in your head, and concluding that something, anything, could have made it better, you are still left with yourself, your heart, and your thoughts. 

Self-love begins with self-acceptance and acknowledging the ways in which you need to grow.

Here are 3 ways to practice self-love, the best preventative measure to avoid self-sabotaging after heartbreak:

1.      Nurture Yourself
Do not rush yourself through a healing heart. 

Be easy, be understanding, be open with yourself.  This is a very vulnerable and trying time for you.  If you suppress the natural feelings that come along with a broken heart, you are selling yourself short! Stop relying so heavily on distractions, and focus on who’s most important here, you. 

Whether it’s a long meditative shower, a day dedicated to pampering yourself, or a night you lie in bed and just cry it out, give yourself the time you need to heal. 

2.      Surround Yourself with Positive Vibes

Who needs negativity in their life after a broken heart? Nobody.  

As difficult as it may be to shy away from dwelling in a negative space, stay clear of people, places, and things that discourage your healing.  Whether it’s your homegirl who thrives on the latest gossip, your ex’s Instagram, or the restaurant you went to for date night every Friday, don’t taunt yourself with unnecessary energy or reminders of that person.

Put on those tunnel vision glasses and focus on the things and people that remind you of your greatness. 

3.      Take Accountability and Seek Closure Within

At times, it can be easier to point the finger and play the blame game.  “He hurt me because he was a selfish cheater.” “She left me because she had unrealistic expectations!”

All the claims and speculations may acknowledge the wrongdoings in your previous relationship, but they sure don’t assist you with gaining the closure you need to move on.

Taking accountability for the ways in which you needed to grow and the behaviors you learned to no longer accept , is a sure way to begin healing.

In my experience, even when your ex can fully acknowledge the pain they have caused you, you do not find closure until you forgive yourself and decide that your ex, that relationship, and that time in your life is detrimental to your growth.  You can forgive someone without allowing them or their behaviors to affect your well-being.

Loving yourself, means loving the truth, even when it hurts.  Learning to accept that you will make mistakes and learn from them, will give you the mental strength to move forward and make even better decisions!

Today is the day for self-love. How will you begin healing?

Shinyere Davis

The Holy Grail of all Curling Custards | Eleanor J'adore

30 August 2017

In the seemingly never ending search for the holy grail styling product, every now and again you come across one that seems to be just the one. Most naturals I know love a good curl defining cream but with so many on the market it can become fairly difficult and expensive when you have to fork out money trying to find the absolute right product that can work for your hair. Luckily I can stop my search for now as I recently had the opportunity to try out  GroHealthy’s Shea and Coconut Curling Custard on my curls.
The selling point of this product is that it contains shea butter and coconut oil with omega 3. To sum up the benefits of these powerhouse ingredients, they moisturise and add shine, nourish roots and sooth the scalp and strengthen the hair shaft from within.
So have a look at my curls in the pictures below. On freshly washed hair, I smoothed the Curling Custard through thoroughly to ensure that every strand is coated. In the second picture the shine and definition are both clearly visible. In the final picture you see the results after I diffused my hair – moisturised and defined curls with a medium hold that’s soft to the touch – just perfect.
Have you tried GroHealthy’s Shea & Coconut Curling Custard yet? Let us know by leaving a comment below.
By Eleanor J’adore


COLOUR ME BOLD | Natalie Pursue:Inspire

12 August 2017

I am no stranger when it comes to colour in the hair. Whether it be in my mane, weaves, wigs or braids I’m not one to normally who just like to settle for 1B. I like to mix it up from time to time. In most instances I’ve picked subtle dark hues, whereas on other occasions it has been blocks of bold colour.

Recently I mixed purple with 1B for twists and ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT! It then got me thinking about dying my own hair purple, which I have done before in the past… you know the hair-dye times where your hair is so dark the colour only shows up in the sun. I want to go bolder now so I’ve been watching a few YouTube videos/asking for advice on the best way to dye/lighten natural hair. Whilst doing my research I thought it would also probably be a good idea to look for inspiration of HOW I want to colour my hair. So I went to my friend Pinterest and started looking finding these…

Natural hair | purple highlights

Purple natural hair

Grapehead @krates1913  Read the article here -

Purple fro!

... and then got carried away looking at other colourful beauties that came up.

natural hair color trends 2016 red kinky curly hair blue natural hair afro purple hairstyle

Found on via Tumblr > So pretty!    Natural Hair Might Become A Bore But You Can Add Life With Some Funky Colors Like Fushia

Beautiful Afro -

@dayelasoul #LuvYourMane #blackisbeautiful #naturalhair #naturalhaircommunity #blackgirlsrock #melanin

The color is everything on her. Stunning

To view more looks, check out my hair Pinterest board here.

If like me you'd like to add a dash of colour to your mane, make sure to do your research. From experience it’s good not to use super harsh dyes and also to be very gentle because of the fragility of natural hair. After care (e.g. deep conditioning and using colour friendly hair products) is also very important to keep your colour vibrant but also prevent dryness and lifelessness in your strands. The last thing you need is to damage the hair you have worked so hard to grow healthily.

Three recommended dyes I have used before that were super kind to my hair - Garnier Olia (Oil based dye), Adore (contains Aloe Vera and can be purchased from any ethnic hair shop) and Henna from Lush. I’ve also heard good things about Manic Panic (Vegan) so may try that at some point.

WORD OF WARNING: It has been said that it's not good to apply hair dye after applying Henna to your hair. Not too sure if this is weeks after or very soon after, so be cautious of that when making any decisions.

Have you dyed your natural hair before? What is your technique? Which dye(s) would you recommend for natural types?

Thanks for reading! Until next time, be bold, be beautiful, be naturel.

Natalie | Pursue:Inspire

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