Let’s talk about self-sabotaging after heartbreak.
How many of us have experienced broken hearts? Between
the sleepless nights, tear stained pillows, unanswered texts and phone calls,
and the hunt for validation that we cannot seem to find in the one who disappointed
our vision of love.
How many of us accept negligent behaviors,
both from ourselves and our partners, that result in turbulence, insecurities,
and just plain ol’ settling?
Believe me, I have been there!
We feel like we’ve lost ourselves. We feel like we can’t go on, healthily or
happily without this one person, and
before we know it, we let our feelings of inadequacy and fear drive us into
making irrational decisions.
We go into an emotional overdrive trying to make the
pain disappear. Instant gratification
becomes our necessity and we find ourselves settling for behaviors and feelings
that are temporary and the least beneficial to us and our healing process.
Many times, we hold onto the idea of love and the idea
of the person we are no longer with. We become consumed by their
potential. We consider how things could
have worked out if our partner had been more mature and caring. We wonder if the relationship could have
lasted if we were more emotionally stable. We may even persuade ourselves that love requires struggle,
pain, and a multitude of complexities to make it real.
After self-analyzing, replaying your relationship over
and over in your head, and concluding that something, anything, could have made it better,
you are still left with yourself, your heart, and your thoughts.
Self-love begins with self-acceptance and acknowledging the ways in which you need to grow.
Here are 3 ways
to practice self-love, the best preventative measure to avoid self-sabotaging after heartbreak:
1. Nurture Yourself
Do not rush yourself through a
healing heart.
Be easy, be understanding, be open
with yourself. This is a very vulnerable
and trying time for you. If you suppress
the natural feelings that come along with a broken heart, you are selling
yourself short! Stop relying so heavily on distractions, and focus on who’s
most important here, you.
Whether it’s a long meditative shower,
a day dedicated to pampering yourself, or a night you lie in bed and just cry
it out, give yourself the time you need to heal.
2. Surround Yourself with Positive Vibes
Who needs negativity in their life
after a broken heart? Nobody.
As difficult as it may be to shy away
from dwelling in a negative space, stay clear of people, places, and things
that discourage your healing. Whether it’s
your homegirl who thrives on the latest gossip, your ex’s Instagram, or the restaurant
you went to for date night every Friday, don’t taunt yourself with unnecessary
energy or reminders of that person.
Put on those tunnel vision glasses
and focus on the things and people that remind you of your greatness.
3. Take Accountability and Seek Closure
Within
At times, it can be easier to point
the finger and play the blame game. “He hurt me because he was a selfish
cheater.” “She left me because she had unrealistic expectations!”
All the claims and speculations may
acknowledge the wrongdoings in your previous relationship, but they sure don’t
assist you with gaining the closure you need to move on.
Taking accountability for the ways in
which you needed to grow and the behaviors you learned to no longer accept , is
a sure way to begin healing.
In my experience, even when your ex
can fully acknowledge the pain they have caused you, you do not find closure
until you forgive yourself and decide that your ex, that relationship, and that
time in your life is detrimental to your growth. You can forgive someone without allowing them
or their behaviors to affect your well-being.
Loving yourself, means loving the
truth, even when it hurts. Learning to
accept that you will make mistakes and learn from them, will give you the
mental strength to move forward and make even better decisions!
Today is the day for self-love. How will you begin healing?
Shinyere Davis
@shinyeredavis
