Forget what you’ve been hearing all your life about how relationships need “work”. Relationships don’t need “work.” It isn’t the Bar Exams or Rocket Science. What makes a relationship last and strengthen are key added values on each side.
I am bringing you seven steps to take your relationship from that level to the ultimate.
01) Trust.
I know you’ve been hearing it everywhere, well, they are right. Without trust between the two of you, let’s just say you could be two mismatching socks, or a stuck gear setup or an orange shirt worn with purple tights, a brutal clash. Where there is no trust, comes doubt. Where there is doubt, fear advances. Where there is fear, jealousy docks. Where there is jealousy, arguments converge.. Where there are arguments, over-the-top fighting and breakups approach. Where there are breakups, relationship land is barren. The metamorphosis is comically true.
02) Employer / Employee Rule
I’ve constantly noticed that relationships with this string tend to go south more often than not. There are no driver and passenger slots in a relationship. It’s a team effort with both of you pitching in, ranging from emotional availability to mutual respect to financial provisions to romantic involvement and everything in between. Avoid the “that is your job, not mine.”s and “He/She is supposed to do this”s. You aren’t in a legal contract, the bat swings both ways.
03) Keeping Score
“He did that to me, now it’s my turn to give him a dose…..” Oh, no, honey, you are turning your head, waist and feet, very much the wrong way. The moment your relationship starts becoming a slave to a scorecard, the relationship starts becoming a game. But you see the catch in the relationship games, there are no winners and losers. Either you both win or you both loose. Each of you feast in the “dosage.” Unfortunate side effects of relationship revenge.
04) Garbage In, Garbage Out
Much like the computer talk, the rule works for your relationship. Bring crap to the table and you’ll walk away with crap. Crap comes in all sorts of baggage, constant complaining, dissatisfaction, lasting arguments, ego, comparisons, the past. I can go on and on. Dish out what you are ready to receive. Stop and think for a second, “will I be okay with this if our roles were reversed?” If the answer is no, refrain from throwing it at your partner’s face.
05) Pride and Ego
Sign a contract with pride and ego, my dear your relationship will become a court order, forced and tiring. Learn to say sorry regardless of whether you turn out to be correct or wrong. Bend your head, lie low and accept responsibility. At the end of the day, is it your partner that is more important to you or is it your mountain of pride? If you have an honest answer to the question, you’ll know where you stand.
06) Privacy.
Yes I know ladies probably like discussing everything from last night’s dream to the broken button on the red skirt to how good Gary was in bed. That’s where your gossip mill should make a stop. If Gary is more than your “special friend”, keep what happens between you two to yourself. Arguments doesn’t have to reach Miss I Am All Ears’ workstation, your future plans doesn’t have to be advertised on Facebook and his Bedroom Fuckup can be a private joke.
07) Communication.
Well communication is what lubricants are to metal works or cartilage to bones, to a relationship. There is no smooth run up hill without it. You are angry, she is upset, neither of you knows what is making each other grumpy. Always talk it out, come to a compromise, hear each other out. There are endless merits in terms of strength in a relationship where good communication drives the mill.
With much love,
Akido.
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